Raising a Kid Who Can
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What the Experts are Saying
“With insightful analysis and amusing anecdotes, McCarthy, Tedesco, and Weaver have written an accessible and well-researched book that gives parents extra guidance on child rearing by offering actionable tips.”
About the Book
For years our clients have been asking us for a book that didn’t yet exist - one that boils down the best parenting practices, but in a skimmable format closer to a cookbook or travel guide. Refreshingly simple, we are the Wirecutter of parenting books. With 10 condensed, quality parenting guides in one, you can pick and choose the strategies and tips that fit you best, and parent smarter, not harder. So, who are we? We are three mental health professionals—a psychiatrist, a parent psychologist, and a child psychotherapist—whose work focuses on children, parents, and families. Together we have a combined seventy-plus years of experience and have worked with tens of thousands of families in our individual private practices. All three of us are professional child whisperers, coming to the job from three different but complementary lenses.
The 10 Essentials
Every parent wants a kid who can—who can thrive, who can cope, who can stay motivated, adapt, show compassion, be focused. A kid who won’t get stuck in a perfectionist loop or become anxious and avoidant every time something negative happens. And get a good night’s sleep (even more important than you might think).
Using these essentials as a road map of sorts, parents can help kids develop the neurobiological capacity to evolve into happier, healthier humans. Our ten essentials are our top priorities for raising a kid who can, and they are bookended by a quick primer on what's happening in your kid's brain and a playbook for raising a kid in the digital age.
How It Works
Raising a Kid Who Can delivers neuroscience-based advice and easy-to-implement strategies in a way that’s organized for easy skimming and designed to be useful and usable at any stage in a child’s life. Each short, impactful chapter is devoted to one of the ten essentials. And although the ten principles build on each other, each chapter works as a stand-alone reference. For example, a parent worried about an anxious child can turn directly to “Essential #4: Anxiety” to discover invaluable insights (children want to be understood more than they want to be rescued) and actionable strategies, such as using the Validation Sandwich method to help children function in the face of anxiety. It's a seemingly contradictory but effective method that helps parents validate and express confidence in their kids without solving their anxiety for them. Here's how it works: Classic: “Of course, you feel so hurt!” I would, too! You know those kids so well [validation]. I know you’ll figure it out [confidence], but man, I feel your pain right now [validation]. Advanced: “Oh man, you are deeply suffering [validation]. Who knows when this feeling will pass, but I know you won’t feel like this forever [confidence]. I am with you, but I sure can’t take the pain away [implied confidence that we are worried they can’t handle some pain in their lives, and implied validation that we also are NOT minimizing that pain, we know emotional pain is real, and, well, painful].”